The Geezer Glide
by Big Al
Etymologist-wannabe that I am, I have done my research, and have located the following information (being as we all want to use the proper terms!):
1) "Geezer" (according to Webster's unabridged, 2nd ed) an eccentric old man or woman.
---Therefore the term geezer is gender neutral, so ladies, we can *all* become geezers when the time approaches, aren't we thrilled? ;-)
--This also implies that "geezer-glide" is appropriate for the bagger belonging to a geezer of either gender.
2) "-ette" means "little", therefore a geezerette would be a *little* eccentric ol old guy or gal.
3) "-ee" means the recipient of an action, so I guess that would mean that geezerhood could be granted to someone, who would be the geezee until they are called a geezer .
4) "geezen" would be the process of becoming a geezer.
5) "gaffer" is defined as "an old man".
6) "gammer" is defined as "an old woman".
SO, we can have gaffers, gammers, or geezers, riding geezer-glides.
Now, here's a few other terms I located. If anyone has found some others, please feel free to add them to the list.
to whit:
Japanese bagger with female pilot: Geisha-Glide
HD bagger in official black and orange: Gila-Glide
Gold-plated bagger: Gilded Glide
Chromed-out bagger: Glitter-Glide
Tricked-out bagger: Gizmo-Glide
Bagger for delivering foodstuffs: Grocer-Glide
Stupid-looking bagger: Goofy-Glide
Really ugly bagger: Gagger-Glide
Bagger for those with terminal wanderlust: Gypsy-Glide
Bagger belonging to a guy with slicked-back hair: Greaser-Glide
Environmentally-friendly bagger: Greener-Glide
Bagger only ridden to church on Sundays: Gospel-Glide
Bagger only ridden to dinner rides: Gumbo-Glide
And when you're too old for a Geezer-Glide, you get a: Geriatric Glide
Here is more "Geezer " stuff...
Finally one more...
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good !
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"